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June 19th 2009
Do you ever wonder how you’re doing as a dad? From my experience, I’ve never met a father who doesn’t feel like a failure at times. But, even though we all fall short, there’s nothing I can think of that’s more important than doing our best as a dad.
I read a thoughtful statement by President Theodore Roosevelt that he made in 1917. “No other success in life—not being President, or being wealthy, or going to college, or writing a book, or anything else—comes up to the success of the man or woman who can feel that they have done their duty, and that their children and grandchildren rise up and call them blessed!”
I have a friend who was studying for his Ph.D. a few years ago and learned a life changing lesson from his six year old daughter Chloe.
You know how it is when you’re thirty-two years old and working every moment so that you can gain a couple of steps on the ladder of life. Of course everything you do is for the ultimate good of your marriage and family, but there are sacrifices to be made along the way—by everybody.
That’s where my friend Rob was in his life when this incident took place. He was preparing for the first draft of his doctoral thesis and was under a real time crunch, so he’d asked his wife to keep the two kids out of his way for the day. He was not impressed when six year old Chloe pressed her nose through the door frame and asked, “Daddy, do you want to see my family picture?” Trying to be nice, Rob answered, “Not now honey, daddy has to study. Maybe later.”
She retreated for about fifteen minutes and then returned, “Do you want to see my picture now daddy?”
More firmly this time, Rob answered, “No, Chloe. Daddy is busy. I’ll look at your picture later,” Not two minutes passed, when the precocious grade one girl figured it was later, and there she stood, hands on hips, “Do you want to see my picture or not?”
Another no and Chloe closed the door for good. She’d finally got the message that her daddy did not have time to talk. But Rob couldn’t concentrate on his reading after his little girl left his study. He felt like he’d been a jerk.
“Chloe” he called, “Come on in honey. I really do want to see your picture of our family.”
She jumped up on her daddy’s lap and proudly held out her brightly coloured picture.
“Tell me about it.” Rob said to her.
“Well this is mommy.” She pointed to a rosy cheeked stick figure with a smiley face, “and here’s me standing beside her. Here’s our dog, Sparky, and there on the front lawn is baby Claudy.” The fact that little Claudia was drawn three times as big as anyone else gave Rob pretty clear insight into how his daughter saw the family dynamics.
“Well, that is a very good picture honey. I’m going to tape it to the fridge door and look at it every night when I get home from my classes.” That was usually by about 10:00 p.m.
It was only a moment after Chloe left his lap that Rob thought, “Something was missing from that drawing.”
“Chloe,” he called, “Come here and show me that picture again.”
She did, and there was mommy, Chloe and Claudia, even the dog and some birds flying around. But there was no daddy!
“Honey, where is daddy in your picture of our family?”
Without a blink of the eye, Chloe naively answered with four words that changed my friend’s perspective forever after. “You’re at the library.”
One of the most important dad things we can do is to be present in our kids lives.
- Barry Buzza
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