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December 28th 2009
Susan and I love buying gifts for our grandchildren. It’s part of the fun of being grandparents. We don’t have to do much disciplining; rather we get to indulge, and the children love their Nana and Papa
But there’s an inherent danger in having enough money to buy whatever (within reason) our kids want. Last week, I wrote about the erosion of the joys of delayed gratification. It’s so easy to buy a new car, or suit, or toy on credit, that we miss out on the discipline of saving and the excitement of anticipating. “Why wait? Cruise now—pay later!”
I believe that we need to teach our children what the words patience, waiting, saving and anticipation mean. I know that not everybody falls into the trap of buy now, pay later, but I see enough of it to cause concern. And, of course, the other problem comes when we have enough money to buy whatever we want or whatever our kids see in the toy catalogue and ask for. “Here’s the Sears catalogue, honey, just circle what you want for Christmas and we’ll see if Santa can get it for you.”
Before I give you three danger signals to keep an eye out for, let me bring a little balance to what I’ve written. We can take the principle of delayed gratification too far. Abraham Maslow wrote an insightful statement. “Some people spend their entire lives, indefinitely preparing to live.” That may have been the tendency of some of our parents and grandparents who were raised in poverty during the depression, or in impoverished cultures. They saved and saved for the rainy day, depriving themselves throughout life, and then left their savings for their indulgent children. We tell our parents to enjoy what they’ve worked for and saved. We kids can take care of ourselves.
Most of us today do not have the problem of saving too much or waiting too long. We tend to want it all now.
How can we know if we’re spoiling our kids or grandkids? What indicators are there that it’s time to cut back on Christmas presents?
Entitlement – That’s when we think we deserve what we get. “Everybody else has these name brand runners. I want it. I deserve it. We can afford it. That’s reason enough to get it.”
Ungratefulness – This ugly syndrome flows naturally from entitlement. When our seven year old rips open his present; looks lustfully at his brother’s gift to compare its worth, mutters only a gratuitous “thanks”, and begins looking for the next present, it’s time to buy less and introduce the godly virtue of gratitude.
Selfishness – When we tend toward the attitude that says,” It’s mine”, or unwilling to share what we have and are inconsiderate of giving to others, we’ve got some work to do in teaching family values.
Entitlement, ungratefulness and selfishness are tumors of the soul. We must be deliberate in cutting them out. We do that by continuously teaching and modeling servant-heartedness, thankfulness and generosity. Merry Christmas!
- Barry Buzza
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